Am I Worthy?

Outside the morgue, mortuary.
Purgatory. Mausoleum, old museum.
Dead and gone.
It's December and I'm freezing.
Dying slowly. Invocation, trapped patience.
Waits too long.

You're pathetic, so possessive...
and I think that you are nothing.
Keep me going? You're not helping.
Now I'm starving. Am I worthy?
Please be listening. How frustrating.
Be despised by everyone.
I don't care much. Please just leave me.
Is this helping? Not at all.
Hello, Jesus, Allah, Buddha,
God, Jehova, everyone.
Let me ask you if I'm worthy.
Show me off to all your friends.
I am myself and I'm dying.
And I'm close to breaking off.
Am I worthy? Say I'm worthless
and I will tell everyone.

All My Blood

Note from the author:
This is my take on the classic fairy tale of Little Red Riding Hood. Keep in mind, it is scary and disturbing. It is not for the faint of heart.
---

A long time ago, a man and woman lived peacefully in a village not far from The Great Dark Forest. The man and woman were a large part of the community, but lived with an enormous secret. Some months after they had married, the man told the woman that he was a werewolf, but he promised that he would leave the house and retreat into the woods when he was to turn into a werewolf, so as not to hurt his wife or any of the other people living nearby. However, as an extra security measure, he gave his wife a small, but sharp, knife, with a red ribbon wrapped around the handle. If he turned into his werewolf form while around her, then attempted to attack, she was to stab him until he died. She was distraught at the idea of killing her only love, but reluctantly agreed if it meant her safety.

Eventually, the woman was pregnant with a child, and, naturally, the two of them were as happy as could be. The night the woman was about to give birth to the baby, the man looked into the sky and saw an already-developing full moon. With no time to help his wife get to the village doctor, he attempted to alert a neighbor of his wife's labor. Unfortunately, as he was alerting the neighbors, he began to grow his wolf fur and wolf claws, so the male neighbors dragged him into The Great Dark Forest and tied him to a tree, and ignored his begging pleas to help his wife.

Meanwhile, the wife went into labor alone on the floor of her bedroom. The child, a baby girl, was born at the stroke of midnight under a full moon. The next morning, the woman wondered why her husband still had not come home, and why no doctor had come to her house to help her give birth to the child. The woman was saddened by the absence of her husband, and so she named the girl Red, after the red ribbon around her knife, the gift from him. She realized her husband would not come back for a long time, so she became a cook, and developed her talents to become the best in the village. Every day and every night for years she wondered where her husband was, and none of the men in the village were courageous enough to tell her the truth. She told Red that one day her father had died in a hunting accident, and so it explained Red's father's absence. Meanwhile, Red's father stayed in The Great Dark Forest, where a full moon came about every night. The men had dragged him so deep into the forest that during the day, he would start to come to the edge of the forest, then it would turn to night, and he would lead himself back in, and the cycle continued and never stopped.

Then, when Red was old enough to walk, talk, and make her own decisions, her mother decided that she could further her cooking career by moving to another village on the other edge of The Great Dark Forest, in a house next to the lake. Red did not want to let her mother go, but she realized that she was a child, and children could not dictate what adults do, especially their parents. Red's mother gave her the knife and ribbon from her father to remember her by. So Red's aunt came to her house to take care of her, but her aunt was a very strict woman. She made Red wear clothes made of steel, and told Red that she would only be able to visit her mother after she was strong enough to get the steel off of her.

But Red had a plan. She took the knife and cut off the steel the first night. Then, realizing she had no other clothes, she stole some of her aunt's and ran off to the forest with the knife as protection. She had never before been into the forest, and so she held the knife in her pocket, but did not take it out. Just as she entered, a fork in the path appeared. Just as she was thinking about which way to go, a wolf appeared in front of her. He asked her, "Why, for what reason is there a girl your age wandering about in the forest, alone?"

Red was shocked. Never before had she met a talking wolf, but she assumed it was just another mysterious fact about The Great Dark Forest. "I am on my way to visit my mother. She lives in a house next to the lake."

It was then that the wolf turned around and looked at the two distinctly different directions the path went in. After a moment, he turned back to red and said, "If you want to get to the lake, the fastest way to go would be to take the path to your right. Get along there safely, alright?" Red nodded. She did not know if she should trust someone she had just met, but who would know the forest better than a speaking wolf who must spend all of his time there, she thought. As she walked down the path to the right, the wolf scurried off on the quicker path on the left, eager to get to Red's mother's house faster than Red.

And he did just that. Once arriving at her mother's house, the wolf killed her. Then, he panicked. He quickly cleaned up the mess and threw on one of Red's mother's night robes. He finished his disguise just as Red knocked on the door of the house. The wolf opened the door and invited Red in while using a womanly voice. Red was breathing heavily from the long walk, and so the wolf told her, "Somehow I knew you would come to visit me. There is food and drink for you on the kitchen table."

As Red bit into the meal on the table, a cat walked by the window and said, "I have seen all that has happened. You are eating your mother's flesh."

Red, obviously frightened, looked at her mother and said, "Mother, a cat tells me I am eating your flesh."

"Lies, she tells you. You can see that all my flesh is here, with me."

So Red finished the meal. She took a drink out of the wine in a glass on the table, when a snake slithered by her on the floor. It said, "It is your mother's blood that you drink."

Red looked again at her mother and said, "Mother, a snake tells me I am drinking your blood."

"Lies, he tells you. You can see that all my blood is here, with me."

And so Red finished drinking the wine on the table and started to go to bed, when she realized that her mother looked much different than before. "Mother, perhaps my memory deceives me, but your ears have grown since I have last seen you."

"Oh, my dear, they have only grown so that I could hear your heart beat as you rushed to find me."

Red took another step closer. "Mother, perhaps my memory deceives me, but your eyes have widened since I have last seen you."

"Oh, dear girl, I have widened them only so I could see you better when you've come to visit me."

Red was frightened now. She knew what had happened but was still too frightened to run. "Your-- your teeth, mother..."

And at this point, the wolf attacked Red and ate her. He finished his meal just as the morning sun rose, and he turned back to a man. As a man, he had barely any memory of what had happened. He looked through Red's clothes and found a small knife with a red ribbon around it, and at this point, he looked around him and screamed of fright at what he had done to his own wife and daughter.

Liar's Ransom

If, on your quest for living,
you should discover Earth,
then may it be perfect.
May it be its own rebirth.
Why don't we see this?
Everyone you know you knew.
It's an excuse for a being,
it's a limelight through and through.
It's a tragedy of sorts,
kinds of things I cannot bear.
It's electrical and important,
so blind and unaware.
It's the noise you hear at midnight.
It's the sirens in the morn.
It's the stories that you heard,
long before your birth was born.
So sing your silly nightmares,
let the light fade from it all.
As we wander through it, we will
surely stand up, surely fall.
All your numerals can't explain
everything that I have seen.
Your lies can't underestimate
the world beyond the screen.
So dance to all your steps.
Kill your makeshift loves.
Because one day, someday soon now,
I'll see what you're made of.

Caleb

Setting: Gina and Lola are both high school students. Lola is sitting alone at a table in the cafeteria when Gina approaches her.

Gina: Hey, do you mind if I sit down?

Lola: Uh... sure.

Gina: *she sits* Look, I-- *sigh*

Lola: What?

Gina: Do you talk to Caleb anymore?

Lola: Sometimes, but not that much.

Gina: Oh.

Lola: Um... Why do you ask?

Gina: *she laughs* I'm sorry. I was just wondering because I'm going through a tough time and I don't think he loves me anymore.

Lola: *is shocked at her honesty* Oh. Well, he doesn't really talk to me that much lately.

Gina: Oh... So you had feelings for him?

Lola: Yeah, I did.

Gina: Sorry I brought that up.

Lola: That's okay. *laughs*

Gina: Still do?

Lola: Kinda. *hesitates, then quickly* ...but I'm not gonna, like, try to steal him from you or anything.

Gina: *laughs* I just don't know. I don't think he loves me like he used to.

Lola: Why do you say that?

Gina: Because... Well, we can't see each other like we used to and I think he's losing interest.

Lola: You two still aren't allowed to see each other?

Gina: We are, kind of. I mean, my mom is letting me slowly see him, and I guess it's not enough for him.

Lola: That's terrible.

Gina: I love him so much and I've been treating him as good as I can when I see him, and I give him my undivided attention and it's still not enough

Lola: Do you want me to talk to him or something?

Gina: Would you please? I don't know what he's ever told you about me.

Lola: Nothing really that bad, but I think the only reason I felt so negatively about you before was that the only time he would talk about you was when something bad happened, you know?

Gina: Yeah, I know. It's not like that, though. He's a hard one to be with. He has a really bad temper. Seriously, it's unbelievable how he lashes out for no reason. He's hit me before and I've hit him back. It's unlike me to do something like that, but I defend myself. I'm the type to jump right back with it.

Lola: Well, if you think you guys are going through problems, you should talk to him about it. Maybe it's something else in his life that's making him act strangely.

Gina: I've tried to talk to him, and he keeps everything in. The things that really bother him he keeps inside.

Lola: Yeah, he is like that... I really don't know what to say. I mean, he's a guy. Guys are like that... But, I'll still talk to him if you want me to.

Gina: Alright thanks. Like, I hope you don't have hard feelings towards me. I mean, I'm sure he's told everyone how bad of a person I am but I'm not

Lola: Don't worry about it. No hard feelings.

Gina: *smiles slightly* I don't know... Do you remember how he used to be? Back when he would have a new girlfriend practically every week?

Lola: A while ago, yeah.

Gina: Well, when we first started dating, I had never been in a relationship. I couldn't handle it when we started going out. Because he had a history of cheating, and I was scared and it bothered me he's gone out with so many people because I cared so much about him.

Lola: I understand what you mean. The fact that he's so experienced is kind of intimidating, and it's hard to feel like you're accepted by him. I remember when we used to hang out a lot he would always do this kind of scowl, and I never knew if it was because he thought I did something stupid or if it was just the look he happened to have on.

Gina: Yeah, he does do that. Anyway, I don't know where our relationship is going, He's changed a lot, like he's not how he use to be at all. He use to be so caring and sweet, and right now he's such an angry person. After he fought that guy, he became so aggressive.

Lola: Well, the reason he even fought him was because he had insulted the fact that you two were together, so I'd say he cares about you a lot to have gotten so angry.

Gina: I know, but now he just takes his anger out on me, and I don't even do anything. Like, he doesn't hit me or anything. Mostly I hit him. But he just yells a lot, and it's getting hard to put up with.

Lola: How long's he been angry for, would you say?

Gina: For a while now. Definitely since the end of May.

Lola: Oh... well, maybe it's just a phase. I know I've gone through really angry spots.

Gina: I really hope so, like right now he's hanging out with some girl named Molly Parting or something and I don't know if I should be worried or not. I mean, at first, he told me he was at Frank's place, but then later he told me the truth.

Lola: *laughs* Trust me, there is nothing going on between him and Molly. She's not really his type.

Gina: I hope.

Lola: Well, is there anything you've said or done lately that would upset him? I mean, like, even if it was good-intentioned, try to imagine it through his eyes. Is there anything that may have been one way and seemed another to him?

Gina: Not that I recall, the most I've been is depressed and cry to him. I don't know if he's angry about it.

Lola: Well, I don't know if that's it or not, but Caleb has always been really needy. He's usually the one who wants to complain. That's probably not it at all, but it's all I can think of.

Gina: I know he's really needy...

Lola: Gina, I don't know if you're trying to convince me of something, but I honestly don't know what to say. I know that he's needy, and I don't blame you for anything. Look, is there any reason you're telling me all this?

Gina: I'm not trying to convince you of anything, I'm just trying to find a answer from someone. I cant take this pain anymore.

Lola: Maybe you and Caleb could talk and I could act as a mediator or something, so we can get to the root of whatever the problem is. Other than that, I don't know how to solve this, mostly because I can't pinpoint the problem.

Gina: Me either... I was just wondering why all this is happening. I know that when he tries to convince me I'm being overdramatic but I know I'm not. I have a gut feeling there's something wrong, and I don't know if it's because of me or what. I wanted to talk to you because I know you two are really close.

Lola: Well, you guys have been together since, like, November, right? That's a really long relationship for high school. Couples usually start getting rocky at this point, so its not anything to worry too hard about. Maybe he's trying to put on a hard front because he feels so vulnerable.

Gina: I hope we're just hitting a bump in the road. Like, I notice when he starts hanging with new people he changes.

Lola: *laughs* Yeah, I know what you mean by that. My friend Georgia does that to an extreme.

Gina: Like, he's hanging out with Cam now and Jeff, and like he wants to do drugs. And he never used to.

Lola: I can see how that would happen. I hang out with Cam, too, and he kind of makes it seem like it's "the most fantastic thing in the world." I remember Caleb telling me about his panic attack when he did drugs, though. I think if he had to ultimately make a decision, he wouldn't do it. He's way too scared of having a health problem.

Gina: I don't know where his panicking started. I thought it was for attention for a while, because he does those things and I put up with it, hoping it goes away, but him panicking has been going on for months. Like it happened from smoking pot, and he freaked and he hasn't been the same and I think that him mom flipping out after she found out about it didn't help.

Lola: Yeah, I know his parents do put a lot of pressure on him.

Gina: Like, I love his mom, and I know she was just being a good parent, but I think she's messed up. And I know Caleb knows that, he's complained to me before about it.

Lola: Her mind works weird, I don't know how to describe it. Like, she doesn't really get certain things.

Gina: And she punishes Caleb for such small things. Like if he's home 2 min late without calling. He almost got grounded for letting the dog out today

Lola: that's insanity. *the bell rings* Well, we have to go to class, but I'll talk to Caleb when I can, okay?

Gina: Alright, thank you so much. I'll see you later, then.

Lola: Bye. *they both walk away*

My Nose

I've lied to you all.

To you I said I did something I never could have done.
To you I said I won something I never could have won.
To you I said I made something I never could have made.
To you I said I hate someone I couldn't ever hate.

To you I said, "I'm sorry," but I don't have any shame.
To you I said I never changed, but I was still the same.
To you I said something that I could never repeat here.
To you I said I was confident, but I still live in fear.

To you I said I loved you, but we all know that's untrue.
To you I said I hated you, but that has all changed, too.
To you I said a thousand times you'd never see it my way.
But, to me, I said, "Of course I'm not," and that's the worst thing I could say.

My Soul Burned

I can't believe it's over.
All the things that I did dread,
I no longer have to worry about,
the clouds overhead.
I can't believe it's over
just like that,
with just a little negotatiation,
and a slight tip of the hat.
I can't believe it's over,
and I sure as hell have learned,
that I love the little liars!
They saved me when my soul burned!

Napkins With the Lipstick On

May the victor be you
and all the children that I know.
You are the shining star to me,
and I couldn't be more slow.
You won the world with apathy,
then let your rage run wild.
Oh, what a feat you accomplished,
all with a little guile.

Misery of sanity.
Were you here and will you be
by my side after I've won,
and when the light goes by?
Silly girl, you thought of me,
cigarettes, and willow trees.
Napkins with the lipstick on,
I wonder about tonight.

Althought I have no purpose,
I'd like to think of you,
getting stronger every hour,
each time with something new.
I've called it an excuse,
and a limelight through and through,
a tragedy of sorts,
but I've never heard your view.